Well, I'm not feeling really friendly right now.
So what the fuck.
I did things because of reasons,
I don't waver so easily simply because of that.

When I believe in it, I do it.
So what the fuck.
Of course the things I do are not 100% right,
Not all the time, in fact, never.

In the first place, there is no such thing as perfection.
So what the fuck.
This is life,
Live it or leave it.

Okay, there is a reason to everything. Or reasons, in fact. Now, I did things that I thought or felt I should have done. Thus, this is the future me. All the skipping school and etceteras. The same goes for today. I felt bad early in the morning that I was late for school, causing Tiffany and Jenny to be late with me.

Just as I thought things has taken another turn, I guess I was wrong. I was out with Aishah and Dian today. We bought this necklace with LOVE and a ring with LOVE FAITH HOPE engraved on it. My being believes in all those.

With that exact believe too something happened today. Shall not go into that. Anyway, my point is:
I HATE people who blame themselves when they do not even know the real thing.
I HATE people who blame themselves because of the stupid conclusions that they made themselves.
I HATE people who constantly blames themselves, thinking that it's alright; thinking that everything is their fault and nobody else's.

I'm so sorry if this may sound harsh, but if you happen to be one of the people that I mentioned above, I advice you to change yourself. Here's why:
FOR FUCK'S SAKE this world is made up for BILLIONS of people, I swear.
If the world is going to end, are you the only one to be blamed?
If a lightning was to strike me right this instant for cussing so much, are YOU the one to blame too?

Everything in this world, I believe, happened for a reason. Just like how I lost one of my closest friend before. I thought that I can never feel any more disappointment. Hell, I was wrong! That was only one of the smallest type of disappointments this world offers.

I know about my friends who have been very disappointed in me.
I've known of people around me who've been hopelessly disappointed in me.
HOWEVER, I beg for compromises.
If you're disappointed with me, please tell me the relevant reason why.
If you're disappointed with me and have told me the reason why, please please please, DO NOT DO THEM YOURSELF!
Just because you're disappointed in me, does not mean that I have never disappointed in myself.
Just because you're disappointed in me, does not mean that I CAN NEVER be disappointment in YOU.

Trust me, it is not a "revenge is sweet" kinda thing. I am serious. Darn right serious. All the words that I said, my mind went out to you. In fact, it did went out to all the people. Well, except for one because I thought that he was well taken care of. Jumping to conclusions like that is not making peace with me. It is, ironically, pissing me off!

Udah ah.. With this, I think things are almost over. Kyknya gw jg kgk gitu demen. Dia cuman temen bae gw yang dengan sangat. Sad. Nah.. Tentang orang yg gw lagi marah sekarang itu.. None other than Sherman. Bete gw. Gak ngerti kenapa stiap kali gw brng sama Jen slalu something must happen. I feel bad! FUCK!


I would want to live longer...


Haha! Well, 've been talking to Caroline about this. Don't think I'll be able to say it others. Well, for certain reasons, of course. And that's that.

Alright, anyway, stayed up the whole night yesterday. I thought that I had Chinese tuition this morning. Turned out that I did not. Was supposed to have math tuition in the afternoon but Ms Lee was busy with her lab stuff and couldn't make it. So everything's postponed to tomorrow. YEY! :)

Yesterday, I was with Semi, Yao Jue, Terremi, Carol, Mir, Kwek and Marcus. Was kinda awkward for me at first cause I'm not used to hanging with them without Sherman. Haha! But guess it was fine since Semi and Kwek were there.

And c'mon man, people, I do not like Kwek. Why do people always think so? Wrong hypothesis, definitely.

So we ate at PS Cafe, went to catch a movie and then we when to chill at the Kopitiam opposite Cineleisure. However, since the Kopitiam had to close, we went to sit in a circle in front of the stage there.

Umm.. Something surprising. We were talking about what I blogged about in the previous post. Haha! Amazing, huh? And it was.. Carol who brought it up I think.. Haha! :)

Alright, I shall study with Tiff now! ^^ Hope it'll go well!

Okay, It seems that nobody knows about his secret compartment of my entries! :) GLAD!
Anyway, so I've been talking to Carol about the person who i will most likely like. It fell between Joel and Kinny. Well, Joel is sort of not really anymore.. You know. He's like just a fling.. And so it befell on me that it may be Kinny! And I told her how I was afraid that I'll like him and she, being an expert in this, tells me that I've a crush on him. Which I thought may make sense too.. So this is the first time I have a crush eyh.. And surprising to a person unexpected, at all. Gosh~!

But, he likes her and possibly she likes him back too. C'mon, I know her! So yeah.. That's why I've been sort of shunning him away. Afraid that I'll turn to have a BIG crush on him. But nah.. It's just a small one at the moment :) And god, I'm already 15! About time, eyh? Hahas!
I would want to live longer...


Well, heys! Kwek is back in school! :) Wonderful. Look as alive as ever, and as human as ever too. Heard that he's talking (or at least) sms-ing his girl again. GLAD to hear! ^^ Hehe!!! There's improvementtt!! WHEEE!

And umm.. Now I'm thinking about that anymore (referring to the poems that I've written). Now I'm sort-of confused on another thing. I don't know what to say. I just don't understand why it has to always involve me and my good friend. It sucks sometimes, really. And sometimes, I know how they feel and I'll also know that will happen in the end. SIGHS.

Well, let's talk about people who I am really grateful to right now. For a fact, I may know quite a lots of people everywhere. However, that does not mean that I have a lot of friends. You know, not friend friend.

I do realise that sometimes I feel really really single-souled in school. Cause I am an individual in class. Yep yep. My friends are mostly not from my class.

I am glad to, of course, say that I have friends outside class and outside school. So, I'll always have that longing. Longing for the bell to ring, longing for the phone to ring. The fact that most of them are not of the same level as me makes things even harder! Like how most of them have graduated! How they are waiting for the big Os!

Worst of all, I think I'm gonna get retained. That's my real worry right now. I have finally gotten a tuition teacher. I'm so sorry Aisha! Please help me tell your friend that I'm really sorry! My bad!

And yes, so she, Aisha, is one of the people that I am thanking right now.

Isnu too, for always being there for me. Somehow some ways. It's amazing, really. I mean I remember that time when you tried to be all that 'cool' and was ALWAYS ignoring me, I swear. Haha!

Moniq, Haha! This is the real weird one. God, what happen ya?? It just became a routine to meet you whenever you come to Singapore! XD HAHA! And you were so.. EMO! Now you're not so!! Having Channel bag, having those bangs.. HAHA! I mean, the change is not TOO drastic, but seriously! XD AMAZING!

Jack Lim, lol. OMG. Like, YOU WERE MY TEACHER!! Haha! Even until now I still call you Mr. Lim! XD WHAT THE HELL. Or more like, bro, most of the time XP teehee!

Iman, Alfreda, Caroline, Phyone, Amanda, argh.. There's just too many of you. Shall call you Eversince Primary School Crew (EPSC)! Forever in my heart. Including maam as well!

Oh yes, those who are still in school with me too.. Don't worry, I'm not forgetting about you guys. I just wanna dedicate this to those who are no longer in the same school as me XD Haha! Cause I know that I can always say these stuff to you guys anytime :)

Like, without you guys, I'm sure that I'll be super sad since a long long time ago! No time, no distant can seperate us, yeah. :) Much love!!

Ok, the thing is.. Gw gak ngerti tentang si Kinny.. I mean, dia kan demennya ama si Jen! Well, haha. It's a fact that I told Carol mreka kalo ada possibility gw demen ama dia, just like Joel's case last time. Tapi akhirnya slalu ampir sama. Kalo situation itu involves gw, satu cowo and my friend. Palingan cowonya bkl demen ama gw dulu, trus gw udah hampir2, eh trus dia jadi demen ama temen dkt gw yang itu and then gw juga jadinya gak demen ama dia, but at the end of the day, mreka juga gak bakal jadian! Lol! Haha! It's super funny! XD Yah gitu deh.. :) He's a good friend! Forever :)


I would want to live longer...


Exams are around the corner,
Around the clock the hands are ticking.
Do I much time till my battle?
I am hoping so.
Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock!

It rang so high,
It rang so low.
It rang so deep,
It rang so sweet.
Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock!

With my heart beating bloody fast,
With my heart sinking so low,
I realise what had happened.

I was shocked,
I was scared,
I was stunned.
Most importantly,
I was speechless.

Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock!
It all went...
Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock!
It can never be stopped.

Hi.. Couldn't concentrate much today. Well, it's true that I usually have the Monday Blues. However, today morning was beautiful! I do not know why.. However, things started to take a different turn, changing the day into another Unfaithful Monday.

Let's break it down. Kwek got knocked down by a car. I was really shocked and stunned like nobody's business. A few days ago, I had this heavy feeling that something bad was gonna happen. I thought it was just about my sister's bad results in Swiss and Alfreda's bruise when she got back home.

Guess I was wrong. Well, since the night before that, I have not been able to sleep well. I couldn't sleep, in fact. Now I know the reason why. The reason why I have been having those funny feelings. Maybe, also the reason his name was used in the essay.

It's really shocking. I couldn't believe my ears. Unexpectedly, yes, I went to find Disa for comfort. Hahas! Thanks, Dis. Never thought what happened at that point of time will happen.. :)

Get well soon, best friend! Or.. At least for the moment. I'm starting to doubt my decision. However, my fright against all these.. Are really pushing me. Miranda just almost lost her wallet as well. Like sheit... I am afraid.


I would want to live longer...


Decision I have made,
And discussion I decide.
To my alter ego and friend the words fell,
One was silent while the other agreed.

Be true, Cindy,
And everything will be alright.
If it really is true,
It'll come finding you.

A broken soul,
I do not hope.
A broken friendship,
I do not wish.

But words be words,
And feelings be feelings.
Truths be truths,
Nothing can be changed.

For now I'm silent,
Waiting for the future.
Exams around the corner,
My mind trying not to ponder.

Hehes! Thanks for the nice comments. ^^ And yes Dis, that was your spectacles :D hehehe!!Remember that photo?? Taken at Xin Wang.. Some time at the first half of the year. Like, oh my god, time travels so fast!! The finals are so near.. I am so dead! Everyone wish me luck..

And by the way, many should have known by now that I am seldom on Friendster. I am on Facebook right now. For those who didn't know, now you do. For those who do not check Facebook often, please do. For those who do not even have an account yet, create one! :D

And I have been uploading loads of photos there.. Really hope that Facebook will never close down. That wish goes to Photobucket too, cause I uploaded all my photos on those two websites and I can't imagine my life with all those photos gone!! ARGH!

Okay, it's getting late. Catch up soon! :D Oh, I've relinked Dinika. Her new blog's cool. Love it! :) Rock on, Din!


I would want to live longer...


This is ClarissaZ's announcement service:


I would want to live longer...


My thoughts - declared as theories by many,
May have some truths which can't be truly explained.
For once I thought that it was possible,
For I heard the words "it seemed to be becoming real."

So I made a wish,
Deep in my heart,
That my thoughts be proved wrong,
And believe, I did.

Call me a fool,
For I tried too hard, or so it seemed.
But if I were wrong,
Patience and understanding shall come next.

I am flexible, yes I am,
In the name of fun, I joined in.
If only you look deep enough,
Just a little closer, you'll get it.

Giving up is an option,
As it has always been.
To be or not,
I am deciding.

But for now I think it's still grand,
And I hope that I won't be wrong again.
I really do believe in it,
And I plead for it to be true.
I still believe in this.

Hi hi~~ I have finished watching Absolute Boyfriend. OMG! I totally looooove it to ZE CORE! Okay, the start is not too exciting, but when it was coming to the end, the whole climax will really grab a hold of your breathe!

I did not expect the main character to actually choose Night!! I have always wanted her to choose Soushi eversince they were working together. I mean, that's just the way things should be! I could not believe when she finally made her decision!

"So stupid of her!" Haha! I was screaming that since about 2 hours ago, it can't be helped huh. Dramas just make people go bonkers! Anyway, It's recommended! ^^

Okay, today I went out with Caroline, Ardisa and Alfreda. I do find myself such an annoying person lately. LOL. The proccess of being more feminine eyh? Yes, I do realise that I'm trying too hard to become feminine, I suppose.

I suppose that I'll cut down on that too and be my usual self. Sorry to those that have been.. Annoyed during this time. HAHA!

So, I was late again today. Meong suddenly came from Japan! God, there was no warning or notice at all!! Something is SERIOUSLY wrong with my family. Thank god I was having tuition just now! Cause you know what? I actually planned to meet up with Caroline and the girls at 2PM! And Meong only came at 4PM! Can you imagine what would have happened if I were away??? -_-

And because of this.. Sudden technical problem, I could only meet them at 7PM, which is LATE. We were supposed to have a study date anyway, and it turned out to be a non-studying day for me. Which is, of course, BAD.

I am extremely in need of studies. Yes, I am definitely no studious but it can be born right? I am also still looking for a tuition teacher. Hope I get one soon.

Ko Erwin is also coming tomorrow. This I learnt only this evening before I went off to meet the girls. -_- Really really sudden. All the best for my final exams man! :) Good night everyone!




I would want to live longer...


Hahas! My god.. Kinny and Jen Weng just went back home from my house a few moments ago. We were playing this game called Sorry! It's something like Ludo, Pokemon version. Super cute!

As always, I'm with the power of water and, of course, I'm the ultimate gym leader! ^^ Thank you thank you! And I can assure you that with the water power behind you, you'll definitely WIN! Muahahah!! :D

Kinny was fire, with Pikachu and Jen Weng was full grass. While I was water with Growlihte! Teehee! Anyways, I was thinking of watching Absolute Boyfriend but I guess I won't anymore. My Sony Ericsson charger is missing too, most probably taken by my sister. =/

So, I shall sleep now! And I'm looking for a tuition teacher very badly! Oh, I'll contact teacher Dennis. Hope he takes students! X_X good night!

OH SHOOT! NO! I forgot to say something!! Kinny is DAMN lousy in cooking!! I swear!! The fries that he fried are CHARRED black. But haha.. Some of them are fine though ^^ Actully, only about 40% of the ones he cooked was charred, hahas. Not so bad for a first-timer eyh! ^^

And AGAIN, he's my princess charming in shining dress! :D Somehow, a cockroach was crawling in my kitchen. Thank god, we were at the kitchen eating and so we caught it red-handed. Kinny the Princess helped me capture the criminal and put it to sleep! XD teehee!! YEY! :D Jen Weng was so frightened and she kept reminding us that she could not run. HAHA! Damn cute.. And I suggested that she evacuate outside the house first, in case the roach flies or something XD haha!! Turned out that it died before it could even attack! :D wheee!!

Alrights, good night!! ^^ teehee!! For real. :) Oh, we had fries and Mi Cakalang for dinner by the way, and Leslie's macaroni with ham and peas. Oh, we were at Leslie's house just now, playing. Leslie, me, Jen Weng, Quan, Wilona and Clemut. Before that Wil, Les, Quan and I were at Vivo catching Babylon A.D. not such a bad movie. Really cool, in fact. Except for the ending, which is rather ridiculous. Sighs, why are the movies nowadays selling their contents more than their ending?? Don't they know that the ending is the most important? Haha!


I would want to live longer...


First and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISNU!!! :)
May all your wishes come true and all the best to your BIG presentation on your BIG day! :)
Thanks for always being there for me ya.. Even though you're so far away! ^^

And I am back in Singapore since last Saturday. Was locked out of my house, stupidly. I remembered my boxes, my Indonesian handphone and luggage key but not my house key. How weird, right? Anyways, thank god Rea was on coming here on Sunday. She saved me :)

School has been a bore as usual. My first day in school was fine. Am not feeling well right now. Anyway, Carol asked the guys to skip. I supported her idea and actually forced them to do so. Now I feel bad and extremely hideous. I should not have done so. I smsed her just now but there was no reply. I shall sms the guys now, I suppose. Seriously, my tummy is sort of turning right now. Not because of hunger, but because of total guilt.


Oh, update. I've finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife. It's currently with Ms Lee right now, Ardisa, Miranda and Carol's tuition teacher. Yes, everyone else who are interested in borrowing it, I'm so sorry but yeah, the queue is long. And i have to say that I am greatly disappointed by it. Firstly, it is really naggy and lengthy in unimportant details. Secondly, it's too sexual. Well, the ending is sad.. More like, bitter-sweet. The story-line is good, I just do not like the way it was written. So yeah, kinda disappointed right now but I am also proud of myself. I finished about 400++ pages in about 5 days! :)

Well, I'm on a new book right now. Mitch Albom's For One More Day. I'm about a third through it right now. Pretty amazed at my speed too. Haha! :) And yeps, that's about it for now. Oh, I've just written another story. Yes, again, in an essay's format. It's title is Hope. Will post it up soon ^^

Good night everyone! Loves.


I would want to live longer...


This is ClarissaZ's announcement service:


I would want to live longer...